Australian millennials are facing a worrying relationship epidemic where their partner's bad day can be as contagious as a cold, with one in four already feeling the effects on their mental health.
The Contagious Nature of Stress
Your partner walks through the door after a long day at the office. Before they have even dropped their keys on the table, you have gauged how the day went. Option 1: It was a good one, meaning you breathe a sigh of relief, knowing what lies ahead is dinner, a glass of wine, and the latest episode of Off Campus (IYKYK). Or, it is Option 2. In this scenario, the day was rough, and the stress and anxiety emanating from your beloved has the scent of derailing to it. Without meaning to, a large portion of millennials in relationships are playing out this scenario every day, and it is having a devastating impact on mental wellbeing.
According to research from News Corp's Growth Distillery with Medibank, one in four millennials report that their partner's bad day directly dictates their own daily mental wellbeing. This proves especially true for higher-earning couples, who may bring stressors from high-stakes positions home from the office with them.
The Science Behind Emotional Contagion
A 1992 study popularised the theory of "primitive emotional contagion", whereby scientists tracked the phenomenon of humans mirroring social and emotional shifts. The causal links between intimate partners and mental health outcomes have been studied in depth since. Just this year, researchers at the University of Colorado found that negative interpersonal interactions inside relationships create an independent risk factor for developing major depressive episodes that exists outside people's individual personalities or emotional state. This proves that, in a sense, couples are sexually transmitting poor mental health.
But here is where things get tricky. While misery might love company in a relationship, it is not as simple as putting on a brave face for our beloved in order to protect them from our crappy day. News Corp and Medibank's The State of Mind: Australia's Mental Health Conversation report, based on a survey of 2565 Australians, found the single biggest barrier to talking about mental health across every demographic was "not wanting to burden or worry others". More than a third (37 per cent) of respondents reported this was a concern, while 28 per cent of Australians named their romantic partner as a primary source of unhelpful or negative responses when trying to discuss their mental health.
Preserving the Sanctity of the Vent
So how do we preserve the sanctity of the vent without worrying we are transmitting more than our partner bargained for in the process? "The most important protective mechanism for people in relationships is to make sure that you maintain your own mental fitness routine," explains Dr Andrew Wilson, practising psychiatrist and Medibank's chief clinical officer. "This enables you to be at your best to engage with and support your partner."
Dr Wilson describes "mental fitness" as "regular practices that maintain and enhance mental wellbeing in the same way that physical exercise maintains cardiovascular and brain health". He says those practices can include mindfulness meditation, good sleep hygiene, and regular social connections, which all have demonstrated effects on reducing anxiety, depression, and psychological distress. "Cognitive behavioural techniques such as identifying and challenging negative thought patterns, problem-solving exercises as well as lifestyle factors such as physical exercise, good nutrition, and reducing alcohol consumption are also preventative," Dr Wilson said.
"It is also very important to make sure that you do mental fitness activities as a couple such as regular shared enjoyable activities which could be as easy as a walk together or a movie. Some couples find that a regular weekly 'check-in' conversation allows possible problems to be surfaced before they start to impact on the relationship."
Practical Tips for Couples
Psychologist Ali Sutton says listening and asking a few key questions can make mental health conversations work. "People often worry they will say the wrong thing, and so they avoid the conversation altogether or don't say much at all," Ms Sutton said. "The truth is you don't need the perfect words. What helps most is curiosity, warmth, presence, and genuinely listening."
She recommends some simple phrases such as "How long have you been carrying that?" or "What would be most helpful for you right now?" or even just "I'm here for you" can help foster a pragmatic conversation. "The goal isn't to have the perfect response," she clarifies. "The goal is to help someone feel less alone."
