Brendon McCullum is back on the balcony at Lord's after a brutal winter along with Ben Stokes. Success amid chaos is pure Bazball, but it is not enough to inspire belief in McCullum. While England's head coach has magic in his man-management, he may have run out of time with this team.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, England were bowled out for 141 by New Zealand at Lord's. It was their very first Test innings under the new leadership team of Ben Stokes and Brendon McCullum. Because the end is always there in the beginning, they went down to a succession of hard-handed, happy-go-lucky attacking shots and unsteady defensive strokes. That night, McCullum spoke to the team about the way he wanted them to play. When he was done, James Anderson said 'we all felt 10 feet tall'. Three days later, they chased down 277 to win in the fourth innings.
It was the spark that started the fire, the first in a series of glorious victories. A week later they made 299 to win at Trent Bridge, then 296 to win at Headingley, they beat India by seven wickets after scoring 378 in the fourth innings at Headingley, thrashed South Africa once by an innings and 85 at Old Trafford and then again by nine wickets at the Oval. It was England's Bazball summer. Nighthawks, boomboxes, and kebabs, Harry Brook bowling off the wrong foot, sixes, switch-hits, scoops, smiles, and slogans stolen from soft-rock choruses. Live where your feet are. Highway to the danger zone.
It was only 2022, but it feels a lot longer than four years ago. This time around, England were bowled out for 140. There were mitigations. The conditions were brutally difficult, the bowling was good. Given the way Ollie Robinson bowled in the afternoon, the biggest caveat yet may be that they will go on to win this match just like they did that one. When New Zealand were 20 for five, 140 looked formidable. But then they say the best way to look tall is to stand next to someone small.
These kind of dizzying swings are exactly what McCullum's England do. It is why they are so much fun to watch, and wearying to write about. But the truth is that around half past two in the afternoon when England were 55 for five and the sun was just beginning to come out from the clouds that had swarmed over Lord's through the morning, it was difficult to avoid the sense of nagging doubt that had settled across the crowd around the ground.
Even now, with New Zealand 61 for six, there's an irresistible feeling that McCullum is out of time, that this entire project should have wound up six months ago when they went down by five wickets in Perth at the fag end of a 4-1 Ashes defeat. England are kidding themselves if they think they can get away with saying this project was ever about anything except winning back the Ashes. It was the reason behind every decision made before the tour, it was why they persisted with Zak Crawley, plucked Shoaib Bashir out of a county second XI, picked Jamie Smith and pushed Anderson into early retirement.
They tried and they failed, just like plenty of England teams and coaching regimes before them. But here we all are regardless. McCullum's back on the balcony, and yes, this time he has hired a chef and a fielding coach and they've picked a new opener and Robinson is on a tear, but seeing them beat New Zealand still feels like watching a man lead a team up Ben Nevis six months after they have failed at an attempt on Everest.
The easiest time to be a coach is right after you've taken over a losing team, because everyone involved desperately wants to do things differently. The harder part comes when people are starting to feel like you're the one they want to move on from.
McCullum's magic is his man-management, but unless you keep refreshing the team, that's a talent that delivers diminishing returns. Only two of that team that played here back in 2022, Stokes and Joe Root, made it all the way through the cycle back to this match. Only one of the others, Stuart Broad, actually retired from international cricket. The rest of those '10-foot' players, Alex Lees, Crawley, Ollie Pope, Ben Foakes, Matt Potts, Jack Leach and Matt Parkinson, were dropped at different points along the way after they found out that despite everything he had told them they were only five-foot something after all.
They have burned up a lot of talented players. Watching the dismissals, Jacob Bethell lbw trying to drive, Smith bowled leaving a ball that nipped back in, baffled like a little kid whose uncle had just pulled a 10 pence piece from behind his ear, Brook caught attacking once, twice, three times before a fielder actually held on to one, it was hard to avoid thinking that this is a batting unit in bad need of a different means, methods, and messages, before they go the same way.
They have these three Tests against New Zealand, three against Pakistan, tours of South Africa and Bangladesh in the winter, an anniversary match in Australia, and then it's back to the Ashes. Is there anything in the way England played on this first day that made you think any of it is going to be so very different? Is there anything in what McCullum has said before this Test that makes you think he wants it to be? And how many more days like this one, or spells like that one, would England need for people to believe in the way they play again?
